


To Be Loved

by atenaglory



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 14:34:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10192091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atenaglory/pseuds/atenaglory
Summary: A (very short) look at Hawke's place in Kirkwall and in Fenris' life, from Fernis' perspective.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I want to write more, but writing has been really hard for me lately! Still, I really enjoyed writing this. Next fenhawke I post will probably be with Marian, but I do intend to write more of both!
> 
> This is named after a song that's lyrics really kind go with this (and with them in general, I think?) called "Call Me When You Get This" by Corinne Bailey Rae.

For a variety of reasons, Fenris kept his feelings for Hawke mostly to himself. But in reality, he adored the man. His humor, his determination, and mostly, how he managed to represent calm in the midst of chaos. Of course, the man himself was usually a foolish troublemaker with no sense of when to shut his mouth and stop joking around, but the way that he took on all of Kirkwall’s problems—and actually solved them—while managing to remain cheerful and relatively unbothered was awe-inspiring. Indeed, Fenris’ life had been the epitome of chaos, but Hawke always countered that, providing stability where there otherwise was none. Whenever Fenris got caught up in the complications of his life as an escaped slave, or life in Kirkwall in general, be it fighting slavers, or confronting the issues involving Kirkwall’s Circle, he would feel his face twisting with rage or disgust. But then, he would feel Hawke’s hand on his shoulder. It wasn’t as comforting (or as exciting) as skin on skin—a sensation that Fenris would never forget—but the weight of his hand and the feeling of proximity were always enough to still Fenris’ agitation.

Even without this gesture, simply looking up at Hawke, seeing the glint of the sun on his armor, his rough beard, his blue eyes, made Fenris calm. (Although if those eyes glanced down to meet his, Fenris’ heart rate would climb and his breathing would stop for a moment, which was hardly the definition of “calm”.) How did Hawke manage to be so steady? His own life was hardly stable. He had lost his home to the chaos of the Blight, and almost all of his family to random happenstance. Well before their encounter at the Hawke Estate, Fenris had found himself regularly staring up at Hawke, pondering these things. When Hawke did look back down at him, he would grin or say a silly one-liner, like “Undressing me with your eyes is free, but you’ll have to buy me dinner if you _really_ want to try it.” Inwardly, these lines were quite amusing and pleasing to Fenris, though they did little for any calm he had obtained while looking at Hawke. But he hardly did more than roll his eyes or grunt, or occasionally let out a begrudging chuckle in response. After all, Fenris would be looking up at Hawke while considering meaningful and serious topics, and to be met with such foolishness was a mix of annoying and endearing. How could this giant stuffed toy, silly and frivolous, represent balance among their friends and acquaintances, and within Kirkwall? Still, Fenris adored him.

After breaking off their budding relationship, Fenris had worried about having hurt Hawke. He didn’t want Hawke’s attitude toward him to change, and so he had carefully wrapped Hawke’s red cloth around his wrist, and proudly attached the Amell crest to his belt. He did this, not to publicize their involvement, but to tell Hawke, without words getting in the way and confusing things, that he and his heart belonged to no one but Hawke. Even if they couldn’t be together, there should be no mistaking Fenris’ feelings.

And even on that night, after the burning in his skin, the flashes of a past that he’d lost long ago, the happiness of a family that had been ripped from him returning for brief instances, his sister… His mother... Even after he flew out of Hawke’s bed, shaking and drawing ragged breaths, tears stinging at his eyes, heart pounding wildly, as he cast his eyes around the room, trying to understand his surroundings, he found Hawke. Hawke, lying there on his back, one leg hanging off the bed, lips slightly parted. He watched him, and as he stared, the beating of his heart slowed, and his breathing calmed to match the slow, rhythmic rise and fall of Hawke’s chest. There, he felt a deep and unforgettable mix of despair and hope. He had almost gotten back what he had lost, what Danarius had carved out of his life. He had felt it, grasped it in his fingers, and yet it had been snatched away from him yet again. But now, in the quiet darkness of the Hawke estate, he had been granted something new. Something precious. Either way, he knew that it would be a while before he could do anything like that again, but he was still happy to have done it with Hawke. And there, as he watched Hawke, calming himself down in the usual way, he realized that he had gotten to see a new side of the man. Still and serene in sleep, lacking his usual sly grin or annoyed expression, his face was pure beauty.

Fenris adored Hawke. His life had changed since their meeting. And he knew that Hawke cared about him, too. He had decided on that night, that he would trust Hawke in the future, no matter what came their way. Fenris had found the peace that his horrible life had lacked up until now, and he would cling to it with all that he had.


End file.
